LoDBlog

In general, the purpose of the Drunken Retnoob blog will be to discuss everything relevant to the current state of the Retribution Paladin spec in both end-game PVE raids, and arena PVP.  Frequent topics of discussion will likely include my opinions of each and every new nerf or buff, updates on new Ret theorycraft developments, as well as pointers on Ret-specific tactics for current raid bosses, or even PVP.  But to understand one’s current state, one must reflect on how you reached this point, so I’d like to offer a brief history of the Ret Paladin’s place in end-game WoW as I saw things, from the beginning:

I Was There, Part I

- Vanillea WoW raiding as Ret? I was there, from the beginning of Molten Core, raiding as Retribution with my 17/0/34 spec. Believe it or not, 31+ points in Ret was actually the cookie cutter raiding spec for Paladins back in those days, since 17 points in the Holy tree could get you every talent relevant to healing (and 31 in Ret was needed for Blessing of Kings).  Of course, I was there doing what any self-respecting Retribution Paladin did in raids:  Heal.  Good old Flash of Light spam, wearing terribly itemized plate healing gear with a mix of Strength, Spellpower and loads of Spirit.

- Oh my god the buffs! Actually scratch that.  It’s not exactly accurate to say that we all healed in raids back then.  Technically what I should’ve said is that I was there, BUFFING.  With 5 minute blessings on 40 targets, you had to spend at least 60 seconds out of every 5 minutes just doing your buffs.  Then on many of the fights, the remainder of that time was spent doing nothing but spamming Cleanse.  At least Decursive made cleansing painless back then, since you could set a priority list of what order to cleanse people, and which debuffs to avoid or prioritize first.

Actual DPS gear?

- Paladins can deal damage? When I did get my chance to DPS in raids on occasion, I was there trying to keep up, using my highly theorycrafted DPS rotation of “activate seal, autoattack 30 seconds, repeat”.  People were only half joking when they claimed that Ret DPS involved alt-tabbing to browse porn in 30 second intervals.  Fortunately, there was a little known trick that one could use to boost your DPS above the really bad players of other classes – consumables.  Since almost every elixir and flask stacked, you could get some pretty crazy DPS boosts if you were willing to go all out with your raid preparation (and very few people were back then).

- Scientific studies show, FHPs have more fun! I was there for all the WoW Paladin forum memes, back in the good old days before the Damage Dealing forums.  My favorite meme was the FHP craze (Female Human Paladin), with thread after thread reaching the post limit, despite having no content of interest whatsoever.  I remain a proud FHP to this day, despite temptations of overpowered +hit auras!  Because what’s the point of kicking ass if you can’t look fabulous doing it?

- You know who I don’t miss?  Fangtooth! I always have to laugh nowadays when new players criticize Ghostcrawler for not responding to issues, or sidestepping questions.  I was there back in the day when one vague post per month by our inept Community Manager named Fangtooth was considered a huge amount of communication.  Fangtooth claimed to play a Paladin, but then when people asked him about it, he admitted that he never started one, and that he was waiting for a new PVP server to come out.  Then when a batch of new PVP servers came out, Fangtooth disappeared and was never heard from again, leading to the epic Sahara spoof:

At least we LOOKED badass!

- Alliance Paladins vs. Horde Shamans. I was there the day The Unstoppable Force met The Immovable Object. The result:  160 totems, plus 40 consecrates equals one massive server crash.  When the server came back up, we crushed them, but it was hardly a fair fight.  We tried a rematch shortly afterwards, but too many bystanders joined in on both sides.   I’m the smokin hot FHP with the Ashkandi at 1:20 into the video, and now I’m kicking myself for vendoring that awesome looking gear like an idiot.

- It doesn’t get worse than the Paladin Class Review. I wish I could remember more about the debacle that was the 1.9 patch Paladin Class Review.  I was there for the whole thing, posting great ideas that were summarily ignored by Blizzard like the rest of the great ideas.  All I really remember was that every class review before Paladins had been full of great buffs to fix the class, but we just got our talents randomly shuffled around.  The lack of communication was astounding, we never even once got so much as a PTR patch notes update – every single update had to come from Paladins on the PTR storming back to the forums with the bad news.  This was pretty much the darkest hour for Ret Paladins, and luckily things have only gotten better since this point.

- Lastly, a hypothetical Vanilla WoW loot question: Drake Fang Talisman drops, and 2 people bid.  Person A does about 350 DPS, has near 100% attendance, has been an officer in the guild since the beginning, AND has the highest DKP.  Person B does about 250 DPS, has been in the guild for three weeks, and shows up to raids less than half the time.  It’s a no brainer, right?  Person A has more DKP, does higher DPS, and is an infinitely more dependable raider – anyone would agree they should win the DFT.

As you might have guessed, I was there as Person A, and Person B happened to be a Rogue.  Needless to say, given the culture of contempt for Ret Paladins at the time, not only was Person B given the DFT (and then never logged on for a raid again), but it started a huge drama that a Ret Paladin would even dare to bid in the first place, ultimately resulting in some gquits, and a lot of hard feelings that persist to this day.  So yeah, we’ve really come a LONG way since the bass-ackwards days of Vanilla WoW.  You just kinda had to be there.

…to be continued…